Ah, the joys of being a landlord in New Zealand. Where every week is a new episode of “You Just Can’t Make This Stuff Up.”
Meet Crystal (no pun intended, but fitting, you’ll see why) and her boyfriend Dylan—young, sweet, and utterly clueless. They rented my house, and things were fine… until Uncle Meth moved in. Yep, turns out Uncle had a bit of a P habit, and soon enough, so did my house.
I did the responsible thing: tested the property, confirmed contamination, and sadly had to ask Crystal and Dylan to leave. To their credit, they didn’t trash the place, but the yard and garage looked like a rummage sale collided with a hurricane. Oh, and they stopped paying rent. By the time they left (a few weeks later), they owed me about $1,800.
Fast forward a few days, and I get a call from Crystal. She’s breathless with excitement:
“Dylan let me down on the outside, but I cleaned the inside real good! And guess what—I borrowed the money to pay you!”
My hardened landlord heart softened. She arrived at 7 p.m. with the rent. We shared a cup of tea. I thought, Maybe I’ve misjudged her. Maybe there’s hope here.
Nope. Hope is a dangerous thing.
Half an hour after leaving, Crystal calls again.
“Can you call this property manager, Joy, and tell her I paid you? She said we can have this new house if we clear our rent!”
Wait, What? Did I just get used as a rental reference?! There’s a Property Manager who is going to give her a house, knowing she has a history of rent arrears and ‘P’? Seriously?
The next morning, I ring Joy, an Aussie with no-nonsense charm who’s seen it all. Joy laughs and says,
“Yeah, I told them that. We just wanted to get you paid. But no way they’re getting the house. This would never happen in Australia! Tenants get away with murder here!”
And she’s right. In NZ, the rules tilt so far against landlords, the Tenancy Tribunal hands tenants a few extra weeks' rent free on the way out the door. Compliments of the Landlord! Thank you very much!
Moral of the story? Even when you get the rent, you might still be the punchline.
